An extraordinary life is a life of absolute balance. Humans are complex and yet not so complex. I love a simplified model that I learned from the great Tony Robbins. Humans are primarily driven by the following needs. I call them engines (Being an engineer, I can relate to them better this way). Let us discuss them below.
Our primary engines.
- Certainty, Security
- Variety, Excitement, Thrill
- Significance, Ego, Self-Importance
- Love, Connection, Belong somewhere
- Growth – Self-Fulfillment, Self-Improvement
- Contribution to Society and Humanity, Giving, Making a difference in other’s life’s.
- Spirituality/God – A Connection with the magical world around us. Making sense of the unknowns.
Every human needs fulfillment of all six needs to achieve a balance. However, some engines are stronger than others.
The Engine of Significance: A person driven by the engine of significance can achieve that by shouting at you, getting angry at you, suing you, holding a gun to your head, etc. This is always a dangerous engine and it can operate without our knowledge. It can be engaged productively or destructively. Destructive engagement causes havoc to the self and others. I find my energies are engaged positively and productively when I am angry or upset at a person or a situation. However, it is a conscious decision. Where does your daughter figure on this engine?
The Engine of Certainty: A person primarily driven by certainty is risk-averse. I used to be that person at one point in time. I have changed over time. This engine has become less and less important for me over time. However, all of us desire certainty over many things to operate successfully. Sun comes up every day. Earth is stable and in the same orbit every day. There are four seasons etc. etc. Where does your daughter figure on this engine?
The Engine of Variety, Excitement, and Thrill: If you like to jump off the cliffs, you have this as your primary engine. Any thrill seeking activity is driven by this engine. All of us some need for thrill. The degree of thrill depends upon how strong this engine is within you. Are you a thrill junkie? How does your daughter figure on this?
The Engine of Growth: Self-fulfillment or Self-actualization is one of the greatest engines we have. Most humans engage with this engine positively. Few humans may achieve this through destructive activities as well. This is one of my strongest engines. This can fuel us and make us restless. We can sometimes identify this with “Call to Destiny” or “Destiny Calls”. Great civilizations have been built through this engine and we need to feed this engine in every human being with good fuel. How does your daughter figure on this?
The Engine of Love: We all wish to be loved and understood. We all wish to belong somewhere. This engine bonds families and brings people together. Fuel this engine and you can have a loving family, a loving society and a loving community. How does your daughter figure on this?
The Engine of Contribution: The act of giving signifies that engine. When we contribute our time, effort and resources, this engine is active. This need is actualized when we have addressed the basic engines. People with significant resources turn to giving to actualize this need. Where does your daughter figure on this?
The Engine of Spirituality: This is a magical world. As an engineer, I have a deep appreciation of the laws of nature and the magic surrounding us. We all live in a magical bodies. We always have a desire to figure out the unknowns and mysteries surrounding us. That is the engine of connection to our spiritual selves. Our desire to connect with God is driven by the same engine. It is a powerful and positive engine for the most part. How does your daughter figure on this engine?
Answering the above can help us figure out a plan of action for us and our daughters. A simple worksheet can start the thoughtful process. Let us get started.